Self Sabotage and pre-Botcamp Beginning Survey

I'm hard on myself. 

Ok, that's the understatement of the century. 

I'm EXCEEDINGLY hard on myself and I'm painfully aware of it. But one thing I never believed I did was to self sabotage. I truly believed that all parts of me wanted me to succeed in all of my goals. This weekend I discovered that is not true. There is a part of me that is a non-believer. A part of me that is a Negative Nancy. A part of me waiting for me to mess up. And I discovered this little bitch while at lunch with some friends. 

Ordering, I could have just gotten the healthy wrap. But there was an option of adding a side. And they had (dundundun) sweet potato fries. Oh how I love you, yummy, crispy, sweet potato fries. And they trick you because they make you think they are somehow healthier for you then regular fries. Like they aren't actually fried in grease and filled with empty calories like regular fries are. 

A big part of my brain said- "No, you don't need them." But this little part of me said, "Come on, go for it! They aren't THAT bad for you...and you are starting Boot Camp in a few days, so they will be worked off anyway....go for it!" And that little part won out. I ordered and ate nearly every single delicious sweet potato fry. And then immediately questioned my decision. As I finished my fries it was as if that same little voice that told me to go for it and eat them was now laughing maniacally like some mustache twirling villain whose trap I had just walked into.

It wasn't until later that I realized why. There is some part of me that thinks the following:

I will not succeed. So, why not eat those fries? Why not get that little cupcake? Why not drink that heavy beer? Why not have one more cookie? I'm never going to reach my goal anyway.

Now, the self sabotaging part of me will never come out and actually say that last bit, but it is EXACTLY what is implied by my actions. I almost fell over upon this realization!A breakthrough! At least now I am aware of it so I can cut it out and silence that bitch forever! She doesn't know what she's talking about anyway. 

Now for the start of my boot camp tonight. (ACK!) They sent me this questionnaire to fill out and bring with me. Besides the usual "Has your Dr. told you that you cannot work out for any reason?" it asks about my goals. Some of these answers came to me easily, some I did not realize I thought until I wrote them, all felt a lot more real putting them in ink. Ask yourself the same questions substituting "Tiger Fitness" with any new work out plan.

1.) What are you most frustrated with when it comes to getting in shape?

How difficult big changes are. I can loose 5lbs then get stuck. People talk about hitting "plateau's"- my whole weight loss experience the last few years has been one big plateau.

2.) What is your biggest obstacle when it comes to getting in shape?

My laziness. Food I can control and am generally a very healthy eater having been vegan and now pesceterian (man I hate that word). I was just never physically active or sporty as a kid so I don't always enjoy it as an adult.

3.) Why did you decide to come to Tiger Fitness today and not last week, or last month?

I found the great deal online at a perfect time. I had finished a 40 day cleanse not long ago and had frustratingly minimal results.  With travel to Hawaii this year it's time I looked good in a bathing suit.

4.) What are the main benefits that you would like to achieve with Tiger Fitness? (Be specific)

I would like to build my strength, loose some of my gut, and have a more toned and shapely physique overall. I'm not expecting a miracle but if I can loose 15lbs I would be ecstatic. I want to feel good about how I look.

5.) What areas of your body would you like to change?

I want a smaller stomach, less flabby arms, and less chunky thighs. I want to see myself in a bikini by spring! I'm willing to put in the work to get the results this time.

At the bottom it says: On a scale of 1-10 (with an option for 11/MOST) how serious are you about achieving your goals?

I circled MOST! 

Tonight begins my new adventure into boot camp. I'z scuuuurd.

Wish me luck! -I sure could use it.