Wow! Where Does the Time Go?

I can't believe it's been an entire month since my last post. In that time I've finished boot camp, at least as well as I could since starting my new job. For the last month I have gone from being in a physical boot camp to being in a full on professional work boot camp of sorts. Currently I'm casting a pilot and working 12(+) hours a day leaving time for little else.
However, I have had a lot of time to think (ok, over-analyze) my eating habits when under stress. And let me tell you, it's not great. A dinner at around 9:30pm of two glasses of wine and two vegan cookies does not a flat stomach make. Working out with this work schedule has not been, well, working out. What little time I have after work has been for sleeping. And since I've been working so late my social fun times are now only on weekends so I find myself cramming a weeks worth of social obligations (including workshops) into two days. Have I mentioned that I'm exhausted?
Since I have zero time to work out lately (aside from Saturday RealRyder spin classes that I look forward to going back to this coming weekend)- I'm starting a new healthy eating regiment. I've let my eating habits slide with my new office ordering lunches with my new co-workers and eating too much and eating too late at night once I get home. Starting tomorrow I'm on a new no sugar, low carb, low fat, high veggie menu. (Let's leave the word diet out of all of this since diets don't work anyway).

I'm also trying to remember to say "HAWAII" to myself before I eat anything and ask myself if that foody item is getting me closer or farther from my bikini goal.

There is a lot more I want to tell everyone about my self discovery and physical fitness adventures but I feel my eyes closing as I write this.

I promise to be better at keeping this up in the future! Thanks for your continued support!

CREATURE OF COMFORT

You want to know what the most uncomfortable, difficult work out I have ever done is? RealRyder spin class. Most of you have probably taken a regular spin class, which is no walk in the park itself- but RealyRyder spin uses a stationary bike that isn't so stationary. It moves and dips from side to side and holds a 60-some-odd-pound weight on the back. It also has the hardest, most horrendous, physically imposing seat ever. Even with the extra gel seat cover they give you, the pain of my working muscles spinning away is nothing in comparison to the pain in my crotchular region- even after two classes of adjustment period. I have also never sweat so much in my entire life. Just so we're clear- RealRyder=Not Comfortable. 

You know what's comfortable? Sitting on my couch. 

Now that we have this established, let's move on to food. As if in some bad math equation Dieting=hunger=discomfort so then it doesn't take Einstein to see that my brain assumes Comfort=Over Eating. Uh, oh!

What do working out and portion control have in common for me? They are both new. I have somehow along the lines equated habit and routine with comfort and safety and change with discomfort. I, a girl who moved from FL to Boston alone at 17 and who moved to LA at 21 have somehow and inexplicably become uncomfortable with the idea of change. I first felt the twinge of this fear- which is, let's face it, what discomfort really is- when I moved to my new apartment a few months back. After 6 1/2 years of living in the same apartment in the valley I picked up quite quickly and moved across town to a lovely cottage style apartment. I loved it and couldn't wait to live in my favorite part of town near the beach...so why did I have a sinking feeling of "Oh my God what have I gotten myself into?"  Quickly that feeling subsided and I love my new apartment more then I ever loved my old one.

But, here I am, a creature of so many things not the least of which, habit, and I now also find myself having familiar feelings of doubt concerning a new job I have started after being at my old office for 4 years. A job that is nothing if not positive and that will be amazing for my career- its only flaw is that it is just different. 

So it would make sense that if my body, mind, and spirit, have for lack of a better term- a freak out- over changes to things that have been set for under a decade- that my mind would fight me on making major life changes that I have established over my entire 28 years.  It asks, "What is all this moving around and lifting heavy things you are doing?" and "Ok you've been doing all this for weeks! Arent you done yet? Man I can't wait to be done with all this getting skinny so I can be lazy and get chubby again."

My body just doesn't get it! I've programmed myself to be comfortable and resist change and then am hard on myself for not adapting immediately and want to revert back to the familiar which is what I'm trying to change in the first place! (Phew! If you follow that upon first read you are a better soul than I). Good gracious I am one tricky minx.

But wait- there are hundreds of thousands of people who work out like this regularly- have for their entire lives. And of those people I would wager that the vast majority of them would find MY idea of comfort, well...uncomfortable. So it's time to shake things up and change my idea of what comfort is. I need to settle into the unknown. Love the danger of the new. Expand my horizons both physically and mentally.  

For one more word equation: the opposite of feeling safe is feeling fear. But if my habits have shown me anything it is that feeling safe isn't necessarily what is best for me and isn't necessarily the same as feeling good. I think I need this fear- I need to live in this scary space for a while. Even though my mind may be playing tricks on me trying to get me to stay in my comfortable warm bubble of existence, I know two things for sure- One: I will never regret taking on a higher level of work that will further my career. And two: I will never regret taking better care of my body.

Is it uncomfortable? Yes- but it's SUPPOSED to be uncomfortable. If change were easy no one would get stuck in ruts or in unhappy relationships or miserable jobs. Change is SUPPOSED to be hard so that we know it's worth it. 

I just have to keep reminding myself of that fact. Especially when my alarm goes off at 6am.  Double especially when I don't want to do any more squat thrusts. Triple especially when I don't want to sit on that RealRyder bike seat anymore. 

This was all just supposed to be about me changing my body. I didn't think it would have such an effect on my life and psyche. 

I'm shaking things up. And I hope you are too!